Bullshit!!

OMG Am I dreaming,

if I am DO NOT DISTURB!!!

My kids are asleep.

I must not be in the right house,

But I am, lol, its my house alright,

mess and all.

I wish I could say things here are hunky dory. J and I have been going at each other all day, well I guess honestly I’d have to say I have been taking stabs at him all day. I can’t help it, my heart was wounded and my head has been lashing out at him all day thru my tongue. I have a bad habit of being a real smart ass when my ego is bruised. Book smart I might not be but when it comes to being a BITCH I am on the honor roll. J stayed home from work sick today. I think he was more hung over than sick, he managed to stay in bed all day except for the 2 hours I took KiKi Bithday shopping. He even complained when I told him he’d have to make corn dogs and mac n cheese for the kids, I mean really DAD is it that bad!! Why do I let him do this shit time and time again, I keep telling myself he has to grow up sooner or later, but really I am just fooling myself, either a man matures at an early age, or he doesn’t mature at all. I have to start facing the fucking facts and admitt when I have made a mistake, and I really think this is more a mistake than Love. I hate myself for even typing that, much less thinking it, how dare I say that this is a mistake, I share 2 of my 3 daughters with him they all really need a stable home life, why the fuck can’t J and I both realize that this relationship has to change, or end. There is no middle road here, we have to make it work or call it quits.

Yesterday during one of J’s drunk I’m sorry I wanna make up with you talks he asked me what would make me happy, and you know what? I couldn’t answer him, I just shrugged my shoulders. But today I told him why I couldn’t answer his question yesterday (though he probly don’t even remember asking) but I told him I couldn’t look forward to happy days anymore I had to give up my happy cause my happy was him and he has no time for me, he blurted out that he is here all day except for the 10-12 hours a day he is busting his balls and breaking his back to pay the bills around here, I wanted to remind him that when I met him he was busting his balls and breaking his back to pay rent and bills in a house that 4 guys lived in who rarely gave J money for bills or grocery’s but was always there plate in hand for every meal and always helped them selves to anything else in the kitchen/fridge. But I just kept my mouth shut on that one. One thing I haven’t kept my mouth shut on is when he has said he loves me today, my reply has been bullshit.

Ok my vent session is over….

Tomorrow is another day,

The day before my KiKi’s Birthday…..

 

 

P.S. why was my heart wounded: I asked J early Sunday morning what time the race was on he said 3 I then asked what time the cards played he said 20 minutes, so I was like cool we get to watch the race today and he said yeah, so then I laid down to take a nap during his ballgame and when I got up I found out he had invited over a couple of his buddy’s to watch the UK game, so I was pissed and I told him I’d find somewhere else to watch the game, well when his buddy got here I left, he starts calling me on the phone I just ignored him and shut it off, I went to wall mart got some dog food and other stuff and the minute I turned my phone back on he 2 way’d me, I told him I was in the check out lane I’d call him back I then checked my messages all from him telling me how his other buddy 2 wasn’t even there yet and that the game was almost half time so I could come on home to watch the race, well when I got home he and his other buddy 1 was cleaning the kitchen and I started some food, I told J I was sorry for being a bitch and that I felt bad for storming out but he had hurt my feeling by wanting to make sure his buddy had a good day and not me, well then the other buddy 2 showed up so they watched the game, I was still upset but got over it cause I really only missed like 15 laps of the race, but then another buddy 3 shows up and he wanted to watch the Ohio/Wi game so guess what J did??? Yeah he turned the channel to the ball game, I was livid, I started telling him he needed to buy a dog house, he said Reese doesn’t stay outside for more than 10 minutes, I told him it wasn’t for the dog. Oh yeah and they drank 1 and a half of the 2 bottles of crown that I got for my birthday.

So there I am justified (at least in my mind) for being a bitch