Bullshit!!

OMG Am I dreaming,

if I am DO NOT DISTURB!!!

My kids are asleep.

I must not be in the right house,

But I am, lol, its my house alright,

mess and all.

I wish I could say things here are hunky dory. J and I have been going at each other all day, well I guess honestly I’d have to say I have been taking stabs at him all day. I can’t help it, my heart was wounded and my head has been lashing out at him all day thru my tongue. I have a bad habit of being a real smart ass when my ego is bruised. Book smart I might not be but when it comes to being a BITCH I am on the honor roll. J stayed home from work sick today. I think he was more hung over than sick, he managed to stay in bed all day except for the 2 hours I took KiKi Bithday shopping. He even complained when I told him he’d have to make corn dogs and mac n cheese for the kids, I mean really DAD is it that bad!! Why do I let him do this shit time and time again, I keep telling myself he has to grow up sooner or later, but really I am just fooling myself, either a man matures at an early age, or he doesn’t mature at all. I have to start facing the fucking facts and admitt when I have made a mistake, and I really think this is more a mistake than Love. I hate myself for even typing that, much less thinking it, how dare I say that this is a mistake, I share 2 of my 3 daughters with him they all really need a stable home life, why the fuck can’t J and I both realize that this relationship has to change, or end. There is no middle road here, we have to make it work or call it quits.

Yesterday during one of J’s drunk I’m sorry I wanna make up with you talks he asked me what would make me happy, and you know what? I couldn’t answer him, I just shrugged my shoulders. But today I told him why I couldn’t answer his question yesterday (though he probly don’t even remember asking) but I told him I couldn’t look forward to happy days anymore I had to give up my happy cause my happy was him and he has no time for me, he blurted out that he is here all day except for the 10-12 hours a day he is busting his balls and breaking his back to pay the bills around here, I wanted to remind him that when I met him he was busting his balls and breaking his back to pay rent and bills in a house that 4 guys lived in who rarely gave J money for bills or grocery’s but was always there plate in hand for every meal and always helped them selves to anything else in the kitchen/fridge. But I just kept my mouth shut on that one. One thing I haven’t kept my mouth shut on is when he has said he loves me today, my reply has been bullshit.

Ok my vent session is over….

Tomorrow is another day,

The day before my KiKi’s Birthday…..

 

 

P.S. why was my heart wounded: I asked J early Sunday morning what time the race was on he said 3 I then asked what time the cards played he said 20 minutes, so I was like cool we get to watch the race today and he said yeah, so then I laid down to take a nap during his ballgame and when I got up I found out he had invited over a couple of his buddy’s to watch the UK game, so I was pissed and I told him I’d find somewhere else to watch the game, well when his buddy got here I left, he starts calling me on the phone I just ignored him and shut it off, I went to wall mart got some dog food and other stuff and the minute I turned my phone back on he 2 way’d me, I told him I was in the check out lane I’d call him back I then checked my messages all from him telling me how his other buddy 2 wasn’t even there yet and that the game was almost half time so I could come on home to watch the race, well when I got home he and his other buddy 1 was cleaning the kitchen and I started some food, I told J I was sorry for being a bitch and that I felt bad for storming out but he had hurt my feeling by wanting to make sure his buddy had a good day and not me, well then the other buddy 2 showed up so they watched the game, I was still upset but got over it cause I really only missed like 15 laps of the race, but then another buddy 3 shows up and he wanted to watch the Ohio/Wi game so guess what J did??? Yeah he turned the channel to the ball game, I was livid, I started telling him he needed to buy a dog house, he said Reese doesn’t stay outside for more than 10 minutes, I told him it wasn’t for the dog. Oh yeah and they drank 1 and a half of the 2 bottles of crown that I got for my birthday.

So there I am justified (at least in my mind) for being a bitch

rain rain go away

Sorry Missie I think this graphic is supposed to have the rain actually raining, but for some reason it isn't, but I had to use this tag tonight cause I know Garnet109 will get a kick out of it.  He's been calling me the cloud, lol, and it fits a strange thing that happened here today.  It was about 45 degrees and it was snowing, well sleeting, first it was raining and coming down pretty good but then all of a sudden it switch to these great big huge wet flakes, it was so thick I could barely see the houses across the street, the cars and side walk were getting this thick coat of slush, but it only lasted for about 20 minutes and then it was raining again.  The local news said it was supposed to be in the low 50's tomorrow morning. WTF ??? we haven't even seen any real snow this year, not that I am complaining about that.  The less snow the better

 

me not complain, I think that is the first time I have ever said that, lol.

this shit just keeps getting better

I get a link left in the last entry and

when I click on it this is what I get...

Page cannot be found. Please check your URL and try again.

WTF???

ain't that nice!!!

I finally get time to surf journals and this is the shit I get....

 

The AOL  system is currently unavailable. Please try again later.

 

If you leave a link for me I might be able to get to ya easier.

just bend over and get it over with!!!!!!!!!!

Well I thought I had blown up my little Elantra on the bridge Thursday, But after all the commotion died down and the lady pulled over I realized the car was still running. I got in it and tried to put it in gear it went in gear but wouldn't go, it just revved up and nothing, so I shut it off with the key, We got it towed home and I called some friends and they said it didn't sound like I blew it up cause it was still running. Maybe my catalytic converter is clogged and what I thought was my motor blowing may have just been a back fire from the extra gas I was trying to force thru the car. GAWD that was scary, I have never had one of my cars backfire like that, so anyway after talking to some of my friends they were like let it cool down and see if it will start in the morning, well I went to bed thinking maybe, just maybe it wasn't so bad. Like I was saying I tried to start it the next day and the clutch is stuck,, I can't start my car unless the clutch is in, so I don't know now, it might be a busted clutch cable, so out front it sits, I tried to call some places to get it worked on, but since it won't start I have to have it towed somewhere?? But where?? Do I take it to a muffler exhaust cause it might be the converter, or do I take it to a transmission guy? All the assholes I talked to on the phone Friday were like just bring it in and let me look at it, well dickhead that’s easier said than done. I don't want to have to pay for any more tow trucks than I have too. Pep Boys got me like that one time. I called them told them what was wrong with my car( at that time it was a leak in the heater core, they said bring it in well after 2 days of it sitting on their lot they call me back and tell me they don't work on heater cores. I was pissed I should have sued them for the tow cost to get it there and then to another place to actually have the work done.. But sometimes it's easier to just lean over and get the screwing over with, lol.

if it weren't for bad luck I'd have no luck at all

I didn’t tell ya about Thursday when my car broke down. I was taking Kandace to her dad’s for visitation and on the way there we got stuck in traffic, This is why we leave a half hour early, cause the traffic on 65 sucks.. But anyway I dropped her off to her dad’s and I head back home. On the way back I go 64, yeah it’s longer but it’s a bigger hwy with less traffic, I notice that my car is even more sluggish than usual. As I come up to the last exit before the bridge I thought about taking it and seeing if the car just needed to cool off some, but it wasn’t over heating and the neighborhood there is really bad so I stay on the HWY and get to the bridge, there are no emergency lanes on the bridge. And I am in the fast lane cause that’s the way 64 meets with 150, well I am going a whole 40 miles an hour and it wont go any faster, I am trying to get out of the fast lane but the assholes behind me are wiping out and passing me, I have my flashers on and they are still acting like I am not even there, all I want to do is get out of the fast lane, so I get my shot for the middle lane and I take it, well in the process I am pushing my gas pedal down and the engine is revving up but not going any faster, I am doing less than 30 miles an hour now on the bridge with no emergency lanes during fucking rush hour, then all of a sudden I feel like I hit a speed bump at 60 plus an hour I look behind me to make sure I didn't hit anything and all I see is three lanes of black smoke and it smells like fourth of July and rotten eggs.  I think to myself I just blew it up, OH GAWD WHAT NOW!!!! I have one of those "Jesus take the wheel" experiences.. well I get over the next lane and the car coasts to a stop, I tried to roll down my window and the damn thing is stuck again so I push with all my might and almost knocked the whole damned window out of the car but it just fell down in the door it didn’t break. So I ask the guy behind me to push me off the bridge, well I guess he thought I was telling him to go around and he jetted out and went around the next car behind me was a truck and old work truck so I ask him to push me off the bridge, he actually shakes his head no and passes me too, so I am PISSED now all the fucking jerks not stoping for a woman with kids in car seats in the back. Well now I am PISSED and SCARED cause not only am I broke down on the bridge during rush hour with no emergency lanes I am also in a blind curve, all I can think about is a semi coming thru and plowing right over my little bitty Elantra, so I start pushing my car, and I was doing it too till a lady stoped in front of me, I was like MOVE YOUR CAR!!! She wouldn’t she asked if I had help coming I asked her again to move her car SO I could push mine over the bridge atleast on the other side of the bridge the lane I am in splits into two lanes and at leat there I can wait for a tow truck with out the fear of being slammed, but she wouldn’t move her car. I was glad I had someone stop to try to help, but to me she wasn’t helping, she was in the way of my kids safety. But I did as she said and I called 911 for help. I then called J and let him know where I was and that I needed a tow truck well he starts with the 20 questions are you sure you blew it up, did the clutch go out, yada yada yada I am like CAN U CALL A TOW TRUCK OR NOT!!! He then said yes and I hung up. Shortly after that the Louisville police showed up and they waited about 5 car links behind me with their flashers going, so I felt safer then. The tow truck was there a couple minutes after the police and he got me off the bridge, the kids were happy campers riding in the front of the tow truck with no car seats, lol, and the tow truck guy told me I was lucky Louisville police showed up and not New Albany cops cause if it had been New Albany cops they would have impounded my car for blocking traffic, can you believe that. How many of us have enough money for car repairs and an impound fee? I swear when it rains it pours. I came home to have to hear about how J is having to use his emergency brake, cause his brakes are so shot in the truck. Great more fucking money for car repairs. I had to borrow my sisters car to return some movies well a block or so away form my home and her car is driving like shit, J says it feels like we got a flat, and sure enough we did, all the way flat riding on the rim flat, he wants me to drive it back home, and get into an argument about it right there in the street, NO WAY am I going to drive a car on a flat like that…. So we walk back home (him bitching the whole way) get the air pump and take my van to get her car. My van still has something wrong with it some type of hoses that are dry rotting and cause me to lose power to the engine. I could kick my dad in the teeth right now, cause he wouldn’t let me take auto mechanics in school, he said that wasn’t a field for a young lady, well you knowwhat??? being stuck on the bridge with no emergency lanes during rush hour with kids is NO place for a woman either……….

Happy Saturday folks. Hope it stays Happy for all of us. Thanks Michele for the just checking in on me email… I love my online friends. I can’t believe so many of you live right here in this little box.

I wish I could say I have been on vacation, or even just catching up on my Beauty sleep, I have been sleeping better on the new bed, it has helped my back tremendously but so far I haven’t noticed any new Beauty flowing thru me.

Up until last night we had Tori sleeping in her bed, but last night she started running high fever, when I went to bed she had crawled up between us and I just left her there, it has hard 3 of us sleeping in a queen bed, but we managed, this morning her fever was down, thanks to the fever all suppository, I hope it doesn’t come back cause I am out of the suppositories, and I only have 1 more diaper so she had better be using the potty.

Lol, speaking of the Devils, here they both come. Kiera just told me her throat hurt. There are a couple of the kids in the family that we were with last weekend for my B~Day party that have strip now, oh boy what fun,,, NOT!!!

So lets see here what else has happened to me this week. I had parent teacher meeting with Tori’s and Kandace’s teachers, and they are both doing really good, I was upset cause I found out Tori doesn’t meet the age cut off, she must be 5 by the end of July, well she wont be 5 till OCT so she has to go another year of head start, so this means next year both my kids will be in the same head start class. At first I was mad about this, I want Kiera to have her own time with out Tori like Tori gets now with out Kiera, but I thought about it some more and I think maybe this will be what I need to get them to behave better together, I will have some outside help telling them to be nicer to each other. I mean it is hard to treat them like equals here, Kiera is the bay, not by much but that is still her title. But at school they will be more equals, so maybe they might learn how to get along more that way, not that they don’t get along here now, sometimes they are great and can play together for hours with out insistence, but then there are other times I am like you all are sisters how the hell can you fight so bad with each other. I can’t believe all my kids will be in school next year. Gawd I am getting old!!!!!!!!!

 

my baby is turning 3

My baby girl is turning 3 in 10 days.

Here is a video I made for her.

 

Kiera

Where the hell have I been??

Hey Hey Friends!

Sorry I have been under a rock the last few days, I'd like to say I was hibernating, but I haven't been.  I have been busy living the good times, and they have been good.  J and I are reconnecting in a way I didn't think we would be able to.  It was a rocky ride for a while, but things are settling back to the good ol' days, lol.  I have to say that this does lead to the all evil green back, I know I am less stressed cause we just refinanced the house and although it's a new 30 year deal, we got a lot of other stuff pd off.  The credit card debt is 0.  How friggin good that feels I can't even tell ya, but I have even more good news, my van is pd off in march and we only owe about 700 on J;s truck.  this was great news for us cause J wants to trade in the truck for a newer model.  newer model but still under 10, 000 and that is hard to find. 

 

Well on other news, I missed telling ya'll about my Valentines day.  It was good, J almost blew it, but pulled a hale Mary at the last minute and came throw.  Then he followed into giving me a great Birthday.  He thinks he didn't spend enough I say he did enough and more, I got the Ky wildcats jammy pants I've been spying for 2 years now, plus a silky jammy set, BONUS** then I got a dozen purple roses the night before my b~day, then I got a single red rose the day of my birthday, 2 sets of new sheets for the new bed and a new memory foam pillow, I also got a 1GB memory card for my camera.  He also got me a new red devil carpet/floor vac.  oh that will be so much easier than the Kirby, that damn things weighs as much as a Cadillac, and almost cost as much as one too, (it was a gift to myself after my filed for divorce from my cheating X)

I didn't get my night out due to the roads being bad, but I did have a great time, J's family did have a party for Richard and I together, but it was nice, the food was great.  I got a really nice family picture frame, 2 bottles of Crown Royal, one was a set with drink glasses, a month tanning, and a neck wrap that can be heated oh and it smells of chamomile, NICE!! and a silver necklace with a heart charm and my ential M.  After the party at J's mom's J and I along with my sis and her boyfriend and J's sis and her husband came back here to watch the U of L game, OMG!! that was one hell of a game, and down to the last .04 seconds.  Nice job cards, I am really not a card fan but as long as they aren't playing the cats I will root for them.  After the game our company left and we got to break in the new bed, lol, it squeaked a bit, but the headboard is stable.........

I got the best nights sleep I have had since before I had kids 8 opps 9 years ago..........

and woke up with a smile on my face.

*********grin*********

what a week end.

I / we had a great weekend.  It started off rocky, J brought home one of his work buddys friday, so I high tailed it off to my girlfriends house.  Had a couple shots of crown, not to much since I had to drive myself back home, but it was a nice quiet time spent with out kids.  J called me a couple of times to tell me how sick Tori was.  ok thanks for the braodcast sherlock, like I wasn't with her all day long, hell all week long, since her school has been closed all week due to the cold, I know a B/S reason, but one I didn't make, I sure am glad I didn't have to make arrangements for her had I had a job to go to like most the moms of the kids that go to school.  Keeping my fingers crossed tomorrow they will be back in school. ok back to the weekend, I got home early friday night, but not untill J's buddy was gone. I think I made my point.  If not I will be happy to high tail it out of here at the next chance too, lol, but Saturday we went out with J's sister and BIL for thier anniversary, and I can't believe it but me and J were the couple having a good time, Not ganna get into the come downs of the evening lets jsut talk about me and J getting along.  Not just not bickering but getting along, amazing what a bottle of crown royal can do for a girl.  J's sister and I sat here and got a pretty good buzz on while J and his BIL took the kids to his moms, when they got back we went to a local pool hall called Jacks, that is where all of J's old high school buddy's "used" to hang, lucky for me, lol, "used" to be is the magic word, they now hang at the Main Menu, so I had J all to myself still, well other than his sis and BIL.  He was very attentive, and I was loving it.  after a couple of games of pool we went to Sports time pizza and had some really good grub.  Which I was REALLY needing after the bottle of crown and 2 ameritto sours at the pool hall.  Then it was a slow ride to get to the next stop, STEINERTS, I have had some really good times there with my girls, but never with J.  I am happy to report that is no longer true, he had a good time there too.  A band I used to listen to back when I did go bar hoping with the girls was playing and he rocked, 99MPH they are on my space and louisville mojo if ya wanna see, he is kinda scary but he can do some hell of a good covers from all great head banging music like RAGE, LINKIN PARK, L.B. GODSMACK, G&R, and a lot more.  They even have some stuff of their own, J kept wanting to get closer to the band but I was happy being in the back.  I drank way to many drinks and had a couple to many shots too, but woke up this morning feeling refreshed and ready to go, lol, that was till I actually got up and tried to make it down the stairs, then I rested the rest of the day while my oldest daughter cleaned up most of the house.  I know great job Kandace, but don't let her fool ya, she is trying to earn extra money to get a drum set, how lucky am I?? she is doing all the work to get the money here, but the drums will be at her dads...  YIPPIE!! 

 

 

 

 

PS aol is at it again

sorry spell check isn't working tonight folks..

and I wasn't worried about fixing any as go mistakes

or such and now I am just out of time.  SORRY.  

under construction

ok well since AOL is being a nasty little dick head I still can not open any new journals under the this is mis 72 screen name, so I got me a new screen name and opened a new journal this will be the home to all my entries from now on.

I am sorry to keep bugging ya'll with changing links and names and all, I know it will be confusing for some (heck I am even confused lol) and I will proby lose some readers, but I felt like I couldn't be ME on the other screen name. I was always scared someone I knew would get into the journal and use my feeling against me.  Sad to admit but I feel my friends here in J~Land understand me more than my friends and family do.  You all sure show a lot more compassion than my friends and family. 

Well my dear J~Land friends, this screen name is just for you.  NO ONE in my family knows I have it.  I still have the other journal private and that is where I will be posting all my poems.  I am still busy adding ya'll but if you haven't gotten an invite email, maybe it was spammed cause the new screen name, well just leave a comment and let me know you want in and I will add you as one of my personal guest and give you an open invitation.

thanks for keeping with me my friends, ya'll are the best.

Missy